Self-inury, also referred to as self-abuse, self-mutilation, and self-harm, is an often misunderstood and misdiagnosed problem. Having studied this disorder for ten years and worked with almost two hundred cases of those who have a current or past history of self-injuring, I have developed a clinical approach that has benefitted a majority of those cases. I have a thorough working knowledge and understanding of the intricacies of this unhealthy coping skill. Due to my expertise in this field, I have been referred to as the "guru" and "local expert" on the topic for the DFW area. I have also given over twentyfive presentations on this topic at a wide variety of venues.
Individuals who participate in this harmful coping skill may also struggle with the following issues: depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, substance abuse, eating disorders, perfectionism/control issues, anxiety disorders, anger management, assertiveness problems, and have an abuse history (physical, emotional, and sexual).
What Parents Need To Know
A parent's first reaction to learning about this issue may be anger, confusion, sadness, or hurt. It is important that the parent seek assistance from a professional who has experience and training in dealing with this issue before he/she confronts their child about their actions. Over the years, I have advised parents as to how to approach the topic with their child, how to react to the news of this behavior, how to help their child find and practice better coping skills, educate them on the role of family therapy, and assist them with finding the right treatment modality for their child. I also encourage parents not to get into a "power play" with their kids over self-injury or to use bribery to get them to stop. These techniques may increase the injuring or make the child want to hide it that much more. You can't force someone to stop injurying. It is also important to note that the self-injury isn't about the parent, it is the child's decision and they must take responsibility for their actions and their recovery. It is not to say that the injurer is acting without provocation, as parents may influence the occurence of injurying through their actions and words.
There are many possible consequences to not seeking therapy for your child. First, the behavior of self-injuring may increase in frequency and intensity. Secondly, the child may end up seriously injuring themselves. Thirdly, the child may go to other unhealthy outlets as a way to cope if the core issue(s) is/are not addressed. Fourthly, the parent's anxiety and stress levels may increase as this problem goes unaddressed. It may become the proverbial "elephant in the living room" that no one wants to deal with either out of denial, fear, anger, hurt, or other emotional reasons. Fifthly, the child may be tormented at school by his peers or teachers once knowledge of this behavior becomes public. Lastly, the child may continue to self-injure into adulthood. Self-injury may go away on its own, but do you want to take that gamble? The injury can become addictive, injurers do build tolerances to the pain, thus the need to make the cuts deeper, the burns longer, or the hitting more intense until they feel the relief that they are craving.
Important Things to Know About Self-Injury
1) It is not done for attention seeking; those that do it for attention seeking have others issues that must be addressed.
2) It is not a suicide attempt, often times it is a preventative of suicide.
3) Taking away all of the knives or other tools does not work. From my years of experience with this topic, I have consistently found that "where there's a will, there's a way" to self-harm.
4) Self-harm is often a way for the person to communicate their feelings or the chaos that they feel inside.
5) Self-injury or self-mutilation is treatable, and counseling is a part of that treatment.
SEE the Self-Injury Support Group page for details about my groups that are the only ones in the DFW Metroplex.
See Media Happenings or News for links to the CBS 11 and CW33 television interviews with me and some of my self-injurers for more information about this issue.
Listed as an expert referal on KERA's website: